There has been so much I have wanted to say, but every time I went to type something all words were gone or something came up (I have a 2 year old it happens).
Within the past 2 weeks
A. One of the Korean Pop artist I listen to commented suicide.
B. My own mother disowned me and still showed up on Christmas to tell me how bad of a person I am.
C. I realized how large of a tribe I have and none of them are family.
D. Teenagers have no idea what a really job is or how to actually work.
E. That I raise my child different than most people I know.
F. Being adult means going to work even when you feel like death and just wanna crawl in a hole with your cold.
There is probably a lot more I could come up with, but these are the ones I actually managed to remember and write down.
A. Kim Jong-hyun from SHINee took his own life right before Christmas. He was/is and amazing singer and song writer. He also suffered from depression. Many people knew, they just did not know how bad, because he was always the light of the party.
When I was a kid I tried because I didn’t want to deal with School because I was picked on.
When I was an adult I tried because I thought the love of my life was done with me.
I am now 33 and married to the most amazing man ever. I live 1000 miles from everything around me when I was younger and have a happy, healthy and truly amazing 2 year old daughter.
Had I successfully ended my life I would have none of these things. You never know what is around the corner. Sometimes people can be helped and can get better. Sometimes nothing helps and they only safety they see and find is ending their own lives.
He will be missed and his songs will be loved by family and friends and fans for the rest of forever.
B. For my daughter’s birthday we are choosing to drive back home so she can see her grandparents and cousins that live there. Well my own mother, who lives 25 mins from us, is throwing a temper tantrum and told me she was not a grandmother to my daughter and that I am a horrible person for not letting her spend my daughter’s birthday with her. We see her maybe once every 2-3 months and she lives right down the road. Her other grandparents haven’t seen her for 2 years and they live 1000 miles away. Also we had decided that we were never gonna throw my daughter huge parties. Instead we are going to be taking family vacations so she grows up looking forward to them instead and once again that makes me a bad person.
I’m sorry I am not my siblings and do not need you to shell out hundreds of dollars on a 3 hour party. I’m sorry that I’m not my siblings and don’t need you to take care of every little thing we do. I’m sorry I’m an adult and can take care of my own family.
C. After the holidays I realized I have a tribe of people to help me with my little family and my daughter and none of them are my actual family. Not a single family member called on Christmas. Not a single one has called or asked about my daughter’s birthday. I am truly confused how people that have only known me a short time are more excited about these things then my own actual family.
D. I work with a bunch of teenagers who have no idea how to freaking work. I have worked wearhouse. I have worked out doors. I have worked fast food. I have worked call center. I have been a manager. I am 33 years old and I have the easiest job ever. You stock a water cooler. You fold t-shirts. You ring people up and talk to them. They have no idea how easy this job is and they are throwing it away.
E. I let my daughter do her own thing and learn at her own pace. I keep being told I need to do this and I need to do that. I will take your advice I promise, but please don’t tell me I am bad parent because I don’t do everything the way you think I need to.
F. For the past 2 weeks I have been living off DayQuil, coldess and vitamin c. I wish I was a kid again and could stay home and have my parents take care of me. Being an adult sucks.