Narcotic Non-Bliss

12 Dec

I went to the dentist yesterday and he prescribed me Vicodin. I am unable to pick them up till Friday so instead I took one of the Oxycontin I got when I was pregnant two years ago. I then went to LaLa Land.

Now when I was in my twenties I took any pill i could get my hand on and also drank myself stupid. I don’t remember most of my twenties. What I do remember doesn’t always make me proud.

I will admit I do have a back problem and that causes me to have to take many medications. However I will also admit when I was younger I would abuse that fact just to get different medications.

I have probably tried every kind of narcotic you can name or think of. I have also tried or taken many drugs that you’re not supposed to be taking.

Oxy and V take you to LaLa land and I pass out.

Mushrooms make the world fuzzy.

X (pretty sure it wasn’t real) just made my heart race

Coke (yes that one) I had amazing sex, but that’s all I even remember about using it

Weed (won’t touch it any more) just made me feel funny

There has also been many other actual prescribed medications (to many to count) and all of them make me feel fuzzy.

We did find a nerve relaxer that finally has worked and does not turn me into mush.

The point of what I am wanting to say is I do not understand how people pop pills and take drugs 1. after having kids 2. for extended periods 3. so many different kids at once.

I have a small tiny person and I even hate taking NyQuil when I am with her because something will happen and I won’t be able to take care of her. When I take medications for longer than 2 days I feel like I have lost two months. Mixing drugs is even worse. I tend to lose time, sometimes even days.

I get that people feel lost and feel like drugs are the only thing that helps and are the only thing that will keep them floating, but that so isn’t true. All they need is someone to help or to find them even. I can’t even began to think about what I would be like if I had kept taking drugs and drinking the way I was. I didn’t care about life or myself I just wanted the next rush of nothing. Now all I want is the next smile from my daughter.

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Posted by on December 12, 2017 in Life


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