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So not a 1950’s house wife

So as I’m looking around my apartment this weekend noticing all the things I need to do I realized something. I am so not a 1950’s house wife. I spend ninety percent of my time in yoga pants or pajama pants and a t-shirt or hoodie. My laundry goes unfolded for days and my living room looks like a tornado hit it after my daughter is done playing for the days. I don’t do the dishes after every meal and I truly HATE dusting

There are times where after washing three loads of laundry (we live in an apartment so we don’t have the option of doing laundry everyday) I just look at it and say nope. It sometimes sits there until ether we have reused it all or it annoys me to much so I put it all away. While standing there this week end looking at what seemed like a never ending pile I thought about my great grandmother who had eleven kids and my grandmother who had seven kids.

My grandmother was a 1950’s house wife. Her house always clean. Cloths were put away and the kitchen was spotless. Bathrooms never had any stains or soap marks and could never tell if the breakables were ever moved because was not a speck of dust in the house. How with seven daughters and a husband who spent one hundred percent of his time on a tractor she managed to do that blows my mind.

After my daughter being up and playing for eight to ten hours my house looks like a Kansas twister went threw it. Toy bins knocked over and pony’s tucked in the couch cushions or thrown out the back door. Yes my husband and I both work full time. Yes some days all I want to do is come home and sleep. Never, ever will I understand or comprehend how my Grandmother kept her house looking like a museum/model home. With seven daughters and fourteen grandchildren how did she do it. I never saw a duster. I never saw a vacuum (except Christmas). I never saw cleaner. Yet everyday I showed up at her house it was perfect. She never looked wore out. She never looked like she had spent the night cleaning she was always done up and perfect looking. How someone who has an army or children and also has a house that looks like model home and still look like a runway model mom amazes me. Some days I’m lucky to brush my hair. Makeup is a yep not happening and a dress and heels is just not in the picture. Yet my grandmother always, I mean always had all of these things done. Makeup was never smeared. Hair was never out of place and for damn sure her dress never had a wrinkle in it. Also she still had time to sow and make blankets, Barbie cloths and kids cloths. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? Some days I’m lucky to even put a bra on under my hoodie.

Growing up we had breakfast, lunch and dinner at the kitchen or dining room table EVERY day at 7am, 12pm and 6pm. It was always full meals with a little bit of everything from the food pyramid. She had an amazing table in both room. Both tables had extensional so if there was a ton of people there was still room for them. The three of us live in a one bedroom apartment and I have and adult folding table and a children’s folding table. Some days I’m lucky to be awake enough to give her three groups on the food pyramid. Some days it’s nuggets and some fruit for dinner.

Now all of these things I’m complaining about I understand are my own doing and if I tried harder I could probably do the exact same thing she did, but some days it takes effort to just wake up after only four hours of sleep. I give props to all the 1950s moms and housewives. You managed to do things I couldn’t dream of. I truly am not a 1950s house wife.

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2018 in home, Life, Married Life

 

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January 3rd, plus a couple days

As of January 3rd I have been at my place of employment a full year. I had planned on writing this on the 3rd, but I was sick and it just wasn’t happening.

In the year I have been here I have seen so many things. I have seen people doing things they shouldn’t. I have seen people doing more then they should. I have seen people get acknowledged for good and bad. I have become friends with people I never thought I would and had disagreements with them also.

At this job I get sick pay, holiday pay and vacation pay. All of which I am not used to. I have been working since I was 14 and this is one of the first jobs that actual fallows the rules and takes care of their people.

I have an easy job stock, clean, fold shirts and ring people up. It is one of the simplest jobs I have ever worked. And since I now have a two year old I am perfectly fine with it. In thirty years when I retire I will have a retirement fund and I never ever dreamed of that.

Working this job my daughter is taken care of. My house bills are paid and we finally may be able to build our credit enough to actually buy a house.

All of the teenagers (and some adults) that complain “Oh we don’t get paid enough” and “Oh this job is just to hard for me” I am so confused by. Yes I could go get a job that pays more, but I’m 90% sure I would hate it. I’ve been a manager and I’ve worked in a wearhouse and call center. I have hated each of those jobs and they stress me out.

After a year I have seen the ups and downs. For now I’m gonna stay and focus on building a future. Here’s to another 29 (or so) years.

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2018 in Life, Work

 

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Can’t word sentence one

There has been so much I have wanted to say, but every time I went to type something all words were gone or something came up (I have a 2 year old it happens).

Within the past 2 weeks

A. One of the Korean Pop artist I listen to commented suicide.

B. My own mother disowned me and still showed up on Christmas to tell me how bad of a person I am.

C. I realized how large of a tribe I have and none of them are family.

D. Teenagers have no idea what a really job is or how to actually work.

E. That I raise my child different than most people I know.

F. Being adult means going to work even when you feel like death and just wanna crawl in a hole with your cold.

There is probably a lot more I could come up with, but these are the ones I actually managed to remember and write down.

A. Kim Jong-hyun from SHINee took his own life right before Christmas. He was/is and amazing singer and song writer. He also suffered from depression. Many people knew, they just did not know how bad, because he was always the light of the party.

When I was a kid I tried because I didn’t want to deal with School because I was picked on.

When I was an adult I tried because I thought the love of my life was done with me.

I am now 33 and married to the most amazing man ever. I live 1000 miles from everything around me when I was younger and have a happy, healthy and truly amazing 2 year old daughter.

Had I successfully ended my life I would have none of these things. You never know what is around the corner. Sometimes people can be helped and can get better. Sometimes nothing helps and they only safety they see and find is ending their own lives.

He will be missed and his songs will be loved by family and friends and fans for the rest of forever.

B. For my daughter’s birthday we are choosing to drive back home so she can see her grandparents and cousins that live there. Well my own mother, who lives 25 mins from us, is throwing a temper tantrum and told me she was not a grandmother to my daughter and that I am a horrible person for not letting her spend my daughter’s birthday with her. We see her maybe once every 2-3 months and she lives right down the road. Her other grandparents haven’t seen her for 2 years and they live 1000 miles away. Also we had decided that we were never gonna throw my daughter huge parties. Instead we are going to be taking family vacations so she grows up looking forward to them instead and once again that makes me a bad person.

I’m sorry I am not my siblings and do not need you to shell out hundreds of dollars on a 3 hour party. I’m sorry that I’m not my siblings and don’t need you to take care of every little thing we do. I’m sorry I’m an adult and can take care of my own family.

C. After the holidays I realized I have a tribe of people to help me with my little family and my daughter and none of them are my actual family. Not a single family member called on Christmas. Not a single one has called or asked about my daughter’s birthday. I am truly confused how people that have only known me a short time are more excited about these things then my own actual family.

D. I work with a bunch of teenagers who have no idea how to freaking work. I have worked wearhouse. I have worked out doors. I have worked fast food. I have worked call center. I have been a manager. I am 33 years old and I have the easiest job ever. You stock a water cooler. You fold t-shirts. You ring people up and talk to them. They have no idea how easy this job is and they are throwing it away.

E. I let my daughter do her own thing and learn at her own pace. I keep being told I need to do this and I need to do that. I will take your advice I promise, but please don’t tell me I am bad parent because I don’t do everything the way you think I need to.

F. For the past 2 weeks I have been living off DayQuil, coldess and vitamin c. I wish I was a kid again and could stay home and have my parents take care of me. Being an adult sucks.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2017 in Family, Friends, Kpop, Life, Work

 

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First

As Christmas gets closer I realize there have been so many first that I took for granted or that just seemed to come with the territory. First laugh, first tooth and all the first holidays, but this day this is mommy’s favorite day and now I get to share that excitement and joy that I felt growing up. The lights, the food and all of the laughter. We will have many many first, but this one, this one means the most to me.

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2016 in Baby, Family, Life, New to this world

 

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39 weeks

You will be here soon.

Your cries will wake me up. 

Your cloths will be all over the closet.

Your toys will be all over the floor.

You will wrap your fingers around my heart.

You will take over my life.

You will be my forever.

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2016 in Baby, Family, Life

 

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Goodbye

He was a son, brother, boyfriend, lover, husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather and friend. He was the one who was there when you got in trouble and was there when you were in trouble. He helped silently when he could and loudly when he needed to. He was a refreshing spring when you were down and a solid rock when you needed to find land. He was a teacher and a police officer. The drove a truck and played dress up. He had rough hands and held a baby with care.

Grandpa you are some one who can never be replaced and someone who will be more missed then most. You helped even when people didn’t know and you were the first person I wanted to tell things to. I love you and hope you and grandma are looking down and smiling.20140720-170603-61563534.jpg

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2014 in Life

 

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